Recent Research Suggests Gov. Rick Snyder May Be Cold-Blooded

6 Sep

Gov. Rick Snyder may be cold-blooded, recent research has revealed from a local university.

“After studying his actions in office, similarities have been identified between Snyder and a common, venomous snake found in Michigan,” says Dylan Sanders, a herpetologist with Macomb County DNR, “Perhaps the most shocking was the propensity to eat his young to support himself.”

Scientists came to this conclusion after Snyder passed House Bill 4361, which cuts taxes for business by $1.8 million and takes the firstborn from low-wage earners. Macomb County resident and Waste Management Laborer Jim Blokee still supports his vote for Snyder. “Snyder promised job creation and incentives. I trust him.”

Blokee stated that while he cannot afford to put away for his daughter’s college education, perhaps jobs would exist for her in the future. “I know there’s no guarantee,” he said, “But if I have to take a hit so Carrie can find a job down the road, then so be it.”

Sanders is still in shock from the recently released results. “The evidence certainly suggests a strong resemblance between Governor Snyder and the Eastern Massasauga. It’s uncanny.”



About House Bill 4361:

The Think Tank Behind Snyder:


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